The Night Before Christmas (Revised & Updated for 2017)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the White House,
Not a creature was stirring, they deported each mouse;
The War on Christmas was won with no rocket’s red glare,
So a haunted hallway was crafted, with Melania’s care.

Melania-Trump-Trolled-Over-White-House-Christmas-Decor-900x440

Yes, nuclear winter was coming, soon all would be dead,
For the President’s twitter, not yet suspended;
And Donald he tweeted, in his red MAGA hat,
‘Bout how great he was doing, and how Hillary was crap,
When out on the great lawn there arose such a clatter,
Millions of women marching, was something the matter?

 

“It was LOCKER ROOM TALK,” Trump yelled as he dashed,
To seek council from voices, he knew wouldn’t bash.
Fox News he turned on to feel all the better,
His greatness they praised with no mention of Mueller,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an Evangelical council, bringing their thoughts and their prayers,
“We thank you so much,” they said with a cheer,
That last guy was Muslim, and he liked the queers.

Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump prays with pastors during a campaign visit to the International Church of Las Vegas

So quickly he did what they wanted to hear,
Whatever it took to return holiday cheer,
“No MUSLIMS! no IMMIGRANTS!
no TRANSGENDERS in boots!
THEY’LL stand for the ANTHEM and honor our TROOPS!”
We’ll make America first! I’ll tell them all!
No murderers! No rapist! We’ll build that WALL!”

“On Air Force One to the Middle East I’ll fly,
Name Jerusalem the capital, forget the Palestinian guy!
Oh health care they want? They cry and protest?
Well they’ll earn it themselves, don’t be such a pest.

Oh and Dreamers who have no home but here?
Back across the border you never shoulda come here.
Oh it wasn’t their choice? That matters me not.
Immigrants we needn’t unless they are hot.”

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As the approval ratings fell deep, deep to the ground,
Sarah Huckabee Sanders came to turn it around.
“You idiots, you goofs, don’t thank such silly thangs,
You’re fake news, you lose, Fox News is the kang.”
The press looked back with disgust on their face,
Was dignity gone? What happened to this place?

As tax bills were passed, and net neutrality canceled,
the American people wondered if all was in shambles.
How did this happen?
How did we get here?
Could America survive another three years?

We got banned words and climate deniers,
We got Hurricanes, floods and cities on fire.
We got rapists, gropers, and sexual harassers,
Our politicians, our media, and our famous actors.

Yes hope it feels is hard to come by,
Seems this Christmas we need a truly silent night.

Away from the buzz, away from the storm,
away from the Twitter,
Hey…remember that time Ted Cruz accidentally liked porn?

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In Silence we’ll find it ain’t all been bad,
An awareness it seems many of us now have,
And so calm we’ll find on this silent night,
We rest now, find peace,
save strength for the fight.
To stand up for Natives,
For all those displaced,
For immigrants, Muslims, the whole human race.
Flood the streets, flood the airports, they cannot stop us.
We’ll be here each day till evil leaves office.

And so yes it does seem there is war on Christmas,
because peace on earth seems killed of existence,
By the very hands of those who sing songs by the fire,
We’ve forgotten the point and traded truth for a liar.
We’re asked to sing songs about peace, about joy,
About the angels and shepherds and a radical young boy.
Because love, and good will’s what Christmas is about,
About a love come down to force evil right out.

It’s love, not violence, not war, not hate,
Not fear, not favor, but a wide open gate.

Yes this is Christmas, not some holiday slogan,
Not a tree, not a greeting, but a FIERCE REVOLUTION.

Down come the empires, down come the greedy,
Up with the poor, the sick, and the needy.

And so yes, we will rage with all our might,
Say Merry Christmas to all,
And not go gently into that good night.

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